I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
