The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize