I love black thongs
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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