i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
