you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
