dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
