shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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