this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
