considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
