my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
