You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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