i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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