Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
