I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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