I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
