I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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