Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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