I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
