how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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