I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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