i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
