Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
