Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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