I am in a vortex of obligation.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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