Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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