Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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