I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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