I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
