Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
