ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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