he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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