All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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