there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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