You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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