i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
