Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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