oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
