Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
