This girl is more easily done than said...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
