Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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