Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
