Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
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Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
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You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?