i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she peed on how many people?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs