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• (410): View more from Maryland

  So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day

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• (530): View more from California

  for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (845): View more from New York

  I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!

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