Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
