who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
