my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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