At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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