Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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