You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's always time for handjobs
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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