drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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