dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize