What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
