um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We need to get me chipped asap
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
