I molested 6 butterflies tonight
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
