I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
