please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize