we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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