Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
