apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
