dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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