She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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