Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
